I’m just in this mode where it doesn’t feel as if I have things worth writing about. The basic core of energy just isn’t there, and I want it to be. For now, it’s just a slog.
I’ve tried to come up with various ways to describe this stage in my life as someone who writes, and posts things. Specifically, I’ve tried to come up with ways to post the way things are now. I’m still working on finding a specific way to articulate it.
It’s not depressing, really. And it’s not really the miserable feeling of being trapped complete stasis. It’s more of a lull, where the ideas are certainly there, but out of reach, buried under layers of detritus in the basement of my mind.
For many, this would be a time of complete silence. It is a time where some just stop writing entirely, needing to turn their minds to other things. Like those people, I’m certainly turning my mind to other things…but the drive to write something, anything, is still there.
So I write, but even though I have in the past vowed not to post anything like the thing I’m writing at this moment (and posting), it becomes clear that if I’m to convey what it is to write, I need to post this kind of writing as well. I want this to be a chronicle of what it is to be creative, and part of what it is to be creative is to have not just days, but weeks, sometimes months, where creativity is definitely at low tide.
It becomes easier when I just accept it instead of fighting it. If I’m a runner whose muscles have become sore, this is a time where I know that continuing to drive myself to a sprint will injure something, and cause me to hobble along for a long while, recovering from injuries. So it’s a time that I move along at a trot, even stopping every so often to walk.
I pick up my guitar. I play the chords that are part of the basic major scales that form the basis of most popular songs. In the key of D, it’s D Major, E Minor, F# Minor, G Major, A Major, and B Minor. I could also play an augmented C chord, but I rarely mess with that.
I play progressions, which is the term for playing certain chords sequentially. I think about which popular songs have those progressions. Then I put down the guitar, and check out something on Netflix.
I watch a few minutes of Ken Burns’s documentary on The Vietnam War. I go back to my Scrivener app, type out a few words, and then practice the basic major scale chords in the key of G. G Major, A Minor, B Minor, C Major, D Major, E Minor.
I notice that on a four string guitar, I can switch between C Major and E Minor by just lifting my index finger. When I play C Major, the four notes I’m playing are E, G, C, and an E that’s an active higher than the low E. When I play the E Minor chord, the notes are E, G, B, and E, an octave higher than the low E.
Megan gives me the morning breakfast order from Dunkin Donuts. A sausage egg and cheese croissant for her mother, a Bacon egg and cheese wake up wrap for her. I will have cereal.
And this is what it is like now. There will be days like this. Maybe weeks, maybe months.