The heads of state education departments had, over the years, accepted gifts from corporations that created standardized tests. One of these, gifts, unfortunately, was an exotic and horribly addictive drug that made these state education department heads crave the taking of standardized tests. Soon, these state education department heads did anything to get their hands on standardized tests, which now stimulated the pleasure centers of their brains.
This addiction also made these department heads slaves to the testing corporations, who asked for ever more in return for these standardized tests. When these corporations insisted that they dictate the amount of testing that would take place in schools, these department heads—who had already received standardized tests in exchange for increasingly degrading favors—agreed to whatever the test corporations demanded. Consequently standardized testing began to take over education.
The testing corporations began to expand their gift giving enterprises to include virtually every company manager and every labor foreperson. Soon everyone regardless of their job, was taking standardized tests at least three times a year.
By then it was no longer necessary to to force people to take standardized tests. The test corporations had infused the standardized tests with the same drug they had used to ensnare the others, so soon everyone was addicted to the standardized tests.
Soon people were spending all of their extra money to purchase standardized tests, and standardized testing became a required minor at universities that supplemented whatever was the student’s major area of study. Of course, professors in all other classes were addicted to the standardized tests as well, so class time consisted of little more than taking one of the many standardized tests that the professor kept on file. The professors often sold their possessions and homes to pay for these standardized tests, and they usually slept in their offices and bathed in the university locker rooms.
Life soon consisted of little else besides going to work and taking standardized tests. Movie theaters closed, concert halls went dark, and video game consoles collected dust as people collected and took ever more standardized tests. People even threw test-taking parties, where they exchanged particular test booklets, and discussed their favorite exams.
Imagine, then, the joy they felt when they found out that the testing corporations had also taken over the afterlife. After dying, they found themselves at a desk with a pencil and test booklet on it. A disembodied voice then told them that they would have the rest of eternity to complete the test, which had an infinite number of questions.
Basking in the joy of this prospect as the drug seeped into their pores, they open their test booklets, picked up their pencils, and began.