LETTER FROM SAMSON, GOODWILL AMBASSADOR, 31 PRATT AVENUE, TO MEGAN, FRIEND AND CONFIDENT RE: A PRODUCT I DON'T UNDERSTAND
First thing I want to ask: is it okay if I write “Dear Megan” instead of “Dear Miss?” I just find “Dear Miss” to be very stuffy. I like “Dear Megan” a lot better; hope that it’s okay.
Another thing I want to say is that I’m sorry that this letter to you has a whole lot of sheets of paper, and is written in crayon. I have big paws, and can’t write small letters. Those large crayons fit in my paws easier; hope that’s okay.
Anyway, I wanted to write to you because I’m curious about something.
The other day, when I was surfing the web, I read about this thing called Febreze.
A lot of people don’t know this, but Febreze is different from a lot of other things that people spray around if they don’t like the way something smells. Other things that you spray around sort of cover up the smell. Febreze doesn’t do that.
What I read (and yes, I do read…people tend to think that I don’t) is that Febreze contains a chemical called hydroxypropyl beta-cyclodextrin. This chemical actually latches onto the molecules that create the scent, and basically wipe it out.
In other words, that smell that Febreze has is sort of a bonus. The real thing about Fabreze is that it doesn’t cover up the smell. Instead, it eliminates it entirely.
So okay, that’s what Febreze does.
My question is this:
Why would anybody want to do that?
Maybe it’s because I’m a Basset, but I cannot imagine why anyone would want to create a world where there are fewer scents to check out. I know that people find some scents to be bad, but I honestly think that’s just because they don’t take the time to really appreciate them.
Okay, I admit that there are some scents that aren’t really very nice. When something dies, it doesn’t smell that good.
On the other hand, it’s still interesting.
Actually, even dead things smell kind of nice. To me, anyway. That's just the way it is.
What I’m saying is, to wipe out all those smells is sort of the same as going to a library and erasing all the pages because you don’t like some of the things that are in the books. I know that some of the books have things that may be hard to read, but even there, those things are usually interesting.
In that same way, if something doesn’t really seem that nice to look at, it’s not always a good idea to just say “well, I’ll just shut my eyes and never look at anything again.”
I admit that, being a Basset, my sense of smell is a lot better than yours, which probably means that I’m able to find things in certain scents that you don’t. Stuff that you find just awful is actually stuff where I find really interesting things in it. Because of it, I find it kind of disappointing when those smells just sort of vanish.
To tell you the truth, the whole thing kind of bugs me. I imagine huge clouds of Febreze drifting across the earth, getting rid of every smell in the planet. It’s kind of a scary thing for me to think about.
Anyway, I guess if people want to use Febreze, they can keep using it, because I’m not going to tell anyone what to do. I just wanted you to know that if Basset Hounds ruled the world, we’d probably outlaw Febreze. It just takes away too many good things.
31 Pratt Avenue