Stanley’s girlfriend loved gummy bears. So Stanley bought a five pound gummy bear as a gag gift for her birthday. He also bought a pound of small gummy bears to go along with the five pound gummy bear.
He then positioned small gummy bears on his dining room table, around the five pound gummy bear. It would be the centerpiece of a surprise dinner he was planning for his girlfriend.
He went to bed, and fell asleep thinking of how pleasant the dinner would be.
While he slept, one of the small gummy bears started to preach. The other gummy bears were captivated by his sermons about the five pound bear, who he called The Sugar King.
The gummy bears gave their possessions to the charismatic bear, who christened himself The Jelly Prophet. They built an altar from the napkin holder on Stan’s dining room table. A box of wooden matches soaked in cooking oil became torches.
They exchanged arms and legs, fusing the limbs into place with the matchstick torches. They danced wildly and prostrated before the Sugar King, speaking in tongues. The Jelly Prophet told them that the end was at hand. Soon, they would be devoured by an entity called The Girlfriend.
Deep in religious frenzy, they preyed to The Sugar King to take them to the heaven they called Candy Land. A halo appeared over The Sugar King, and the bears collapsed as the life force energy left their bodies.
The next day, Stan woke up, and his eyes went wide as he looked at his dining room table in shock. For the gummy bears had changed. All of them were black, and tasted of licorice.
And they were delicious.
Stan and his girlfriend ate all the candy, and saw visions of candy bears shedding their skins, revealing fur. They threw themselves on the ground in convulsive joy. Their bodies shrank, and their skin became jellied sugar.
Sitting on the kitchen floor in meditative bliss, The Sugar King and Queen waited.
The followers would come.
They always did.